Lately, songs sung in French have had me frothing at the mouth. It started out with the French version of Simple Plan’s Jetlag that my sister unknowingly downloaded a few years back. I found myself singing in French in the car when it came on, and decided it was a lot better than the english version. It made me feel mysterious, sultry and very French. This is despite the fact that I am probably only mysterious out of those descriptions on a regular basis. I was awful at French in Year 7 and 8, jumping at the chance to drop it as soon as I could. This was probably the best career move to date. It has only enhanced my love of English songs in French. I don’t have a clue what lé fuckers are saying, which makes it so exciting. It is very seductive, and to be honest, you could have a face like a piece of razor sharp coral reef and still woo me* if you sung a song in French. Pardòn the wait, monśíêùrs and madamès, here is le Eggo’s le tœp 10 english songs sung in French. croissants je dúe les chîens…
* This is not an indicator of shallowness, rather an acknowledgement that looks, like other factors, do play a role in the attraction of humans and anyone who says otherwise is either a liar, or a liar on heroin.
10. The Way I Are – Timbaland feat. Tyssem
As expected from those African-American rappers, so full of culture, Timbaland has kept his part in english. The girl does the French, and she does it well. It makes me want to go to a club and grind real slow on anyone/anything while whispering the chick’s lyrics. It does not make me want to get fat rolls on my neck/back of head, which Timbaland has achieved with alarming success.
9. Russian Rouletter – Léa Castel
Léa does a pretty good job at Rihanna’s incredible vocals. The quality in this video don’t pay proper tribute. She goes slightly deeper during the verses, and I would very much like to hear her do some more French covers of English songs. I reckon she could give Summer Nights from Grease a pretty good crack.
8. C’est ta Chanson (Your Song) - Michel Delpech
I reckon Elton’s version has this covered. The French chorus stretches out a bit. Still very seductive and delicious. The highlight has to be whatever the hell he says when Elton usually says “I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind”. He does that pretty well. The French birds would’ve flocked in the day, judging by one of his old pictures. Good on him.
7. Close To Me - Matthieu Chédid
This is so confusing, especially the mumbling bits after “Close To Me”. That is why it scores high. Confusion is such a key aspect of hearing the song in French. It makes me wonder, has he changed the lyrics to something about the clouds in the sky looking like ecstasy pills? Because if he has, I would’t know any better. How exciting is that?
6. Sunday Girl – Blondie
Apparently Blondie are so good, they can sing their own songs in French. Apparently a French youtube user isn’t so impressed – Urdojo said “I am french and I don’t understand what she says except “dépêche-toi” (hurry up).” This person got 24 thumbs up in support, which doesn’t cut it for me. Maybe if 100 outraged Frenchies agreed I may flick it, but Blondie are mint so it will stay.
5. Mandy – Claude François
Old mate Claude gives Barry Manilow a run here. It doesn’t quite pip the English version but gee he gives it a fair go. Sing this to anyone, in any language, and they should be mesmerised. Swoony, a beautiful tune and words I don’t understand. That’s the dream.
4. Baby One More Time – Mr. Mac, a school teacher who teaches French
This is the bolter of the group. He has a pretty good voice for a teacher. And he keeps a good rhythm. This would probably be number 1 if I had’ve found an actual singer doing it. Loses points for annoying nervous laughing of the teenagers in the video. Also massive question marks on a teacher that wears a grey hoodie so well. Possible criminal/criminal to be? Only Mr. Mac himself, with his gorgeous French luring abilities, can answer that. All I can say is teenage girls and me would be putty in his hands after that song.
3. Total Eclipse of the Heart – Bonnie Tyler and Kareen Antonn
Traaaaaaaack. Bonnie Tyler shows her incredible talent for the language of frog in the first verse, adding jè in front of a heavily French accented Turn Around. She also demonstrates her tremendous capacity to avoid throat lozenges for her life. Wouldn’t be the same without a croaky Bonnie. The French girl does pretty well too. An all round fantastic version. This makes me happy and longing for a deck chair on top of the garage looking at a full moon with a nice lass and an even nicer Carlton Draught/ Melbourne Bitter/ Victoria Bitter longneck next to me, while this is blaring.
2. Supreme - Robbie Williams
I didn’t know Robbie Williams could sing in French. I didn’t even realise that he wasn’t illiterate. I especially didn’t realise he could do it this well. A brilliant effort from the man no doubt adding to his already large sex appeal. Not sure about the sideburns/mutton chops though. I think they can go, Monsieur Williams.
1. Jetlag – Simple Plan feat. Marie-Mai
Had to be number one. My first French song love. It delivers on all fronts, with Simple Plan retaining their whiny voice for the key moments. Again the French girl stands up. I like how the chorus is in English, so I feel like I know some of it. This goes directly against my original reason of not wanting to understand what was going on, but this is my list bitches. And this is number 1, and you will enjoy it.